Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. Your sister was an honorable woman who sacrificed much for her family. A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. If you wonder what Hindu funeral traditions are like, they can be different from traditional American funerals, but the core fundamentals remain the same. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. Your sister was a beautiful person. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. I remember how she encouraged me to get good grades and once even offered me a ride home after school. If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. Please Click Here on how you can do that. A place to share knowledge and better understand the world. form. A thoughtful gift which allows the name of the deceased to be mentioned will provide long-lasting comfort to the family. In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. She lived her life to its fullest, so we should celebrate her life to honor her legacy. Get a signed copy of the NEW Emily Post's Etiquette Centennial edition, and support Vermont's independent bookstores. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. And unlike a phone call or a personal visit, e-mail doesn't require an immediate response from the recipient. Post Funeral. There is a process of letting the deceased go and telling them goodbye with prayers and songs. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. Share a toast. The dos as well as the donts are important. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. Moments with the family will usually be driven by the number of people waiting to offer their condolences. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. There is a Mukhagni ceremony where the family is given one last look at the deceased. Doing away with anything that suggests we are arriving at a party is sensible. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. If you want to do something now, send a donation as suggested by the family. Certain Hindus may choose to remain at home during the mourning period and not visit the temple. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. Sacrifice is not uncommon for Hindus, even if internalized. See if you would agree. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. After this cremation ceremony, a reception at the familys place may happen. (2008). Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. Your are already subscribed for Malayala Manorama News Letter/Alert. Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. It is helpful to remember that this is not a place where attendance gets marked, and definitely the last place to be soliciting ones business regardless of what it might be. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. Here, the priest oversees every activity. Passing such a negative remark is easy, just like watching cricket on TV and blaming a fielder for dropping a crucial catch the person criticising has no idea how hard it is to be out there performing. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. of an actual attorney. Family members have an open invitation to attend the service. Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. The word hearty means happy and should not be confused with heart-felt. Just as It is all part of Gods plan might not go down well with an atheist, He will soon be reborn into a more beautiful life can be hugely offending to someone who doesnt believe in rebirth. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. As hard as it can be to believe, some overly curious visitors have the tendency to interrogate the family about the cause of death. E-mail shouldn't replace a handwritten condolence note, but it's a nice way to let your coworker that you're there for her. 1. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." 24 hours after the death, the body is taken to the cremation site. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. After all, some of the wisest people can almost convey a book in a matter of a sentence. This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. Eastern Orhtodox During the period before burial (three days after death), flowers may be sent to the funeral home. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. Hare Krishna. They'll surely understand. Families differ in their religious beliefs, social preferences and cultural outlook. Are others going to be speaking about her? If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. It is better to dress conservatively. According to my calculations based on astrology, he could not have chosen a better time to die is another example of saying the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time. Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? Hare Krishna. Choose from trainer trainings, seminars, live-online workshops, and self-paced online courses, to best meet your etiquette training needs. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. forms. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of Brahman or the universal soul. Various worldwide locations connote different customs and norms. It's worth noting that some communities and faiths have an open casket at the visitation and at the funeral service. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis. As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. Adherence to a strict mourning period is less common today. She may depend on you entirely or she may wish to participate in the planning and have you take care of the details. to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. 3. 9. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. Women need to dress conservatively with knees and arms covered. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. You are using an out of date browser. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. We hope her journey is comforted by Lord Krishna (or Lord Rama). However, the following brief and simple condolences will let the grieving family know you care: We are sober, we are really sad about his sudden departure, May the Creator accept our prayers on his behalf. 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